In Between Black And White
by inhuman grace
Summary: Jasper and Edward are best friends at the Civil War. They, unfortunately, get changed at the Siege of Vicksburg. Years later, Bella and Alice meet them.
1. Prologue

_Hi! A new story here. I hope you like it. Review!_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight._

* * *

_"And after seeing what we saw, Can we still reclaim our innocence,"_

-Skylines and Turnstiles, by My Chemical Romance

Prologue: Siege At Vicksburg

**Jasper**

All these dead and wounded men, and all for naught.

This battle is getting lost, it was lost since the beginning. General Grant was not going to let us escape.

My unit from Texas, of which I am commander of, was sent to aid Vicksburg and keep it strong against the Union army. It went well in the beggining then everything went down hill.

Many of the people of Vicksburg were starving, some even ate their pets and rats so they would not waste away in hunger. Many did troops are fighting, but they grow weaker by the day. They do not eat much, if any, because of the shortage of food.

It is insane inside the city. Many are delusional because of hunger and the humid air of the city. The delusional usually see a large banquet where there is only a pile of sand and stones. They eat them revenously even so, sometimes choking of on the dry sand.

I do sometimes have the urge to give up, or even kill myself, but I have one reason not to. My friend, my second-in-command, Edward Masen. He keeps me alive with the hope that we will win and survive.

Edward has a rather unusual appearance. He had oddly bronze colored hair and bright, celery green eyes. He seems to have a slight build next to me, but when standing alone he seems rather muscular. He is perhaps half a hand spand shorter than me. My sisters describe him as handsome, but I just shake my head at their thoughts. He doesn't like it when women see him as an object, rather than a human being.

That young man has followed me here, hoping to win back our liberty from the Union. I see now his hope was in vain.

Vicksburg is becoming vunerable. It's going to collapse into the hands of the Union.

* * *

The night of Vicksburg's fall, (_**AN:**__ I don't know if it was at night or day, so for the story I'm going to say night.) _many of the men were sleeping, some out in watch I myself was resting in my tent, hoping this siege would end soon. Then a call rang out. 

"The enemy is coming! All men at arms!," yelled a man's voice. I stood to my feet and went to dress. I put on my clothes, them my boots. I picked up my guns and stuck them in my belt. Then I picked up a bayonet. I marched out, seeing a flurry of activity coming from many of the hurried soldiers. Many were still in their sleeping clothes.

I ran toward where the call came from. Not many were there. I turned to the men still running around.

"All men at arms! I do not care what you are wearing! We are war, men, not at some fancy tea party! Hurry up, now! Grab a damn gun and line up!," I bellowed. Many men showed fear and immediatly did as they were told. Others did not hurry, so I pulled them form where they were and threw them to stand in line. Others who were heavier, I kicked. We needed to do this quickly.

Once I made sure that there were no more men runing around, I turned around and went back to my soldiers. They were lined up in a Nepoleonic **(sp?) **strategis stance, where every man stood shoulder to shoulder and fire at the same time, making very fast kills.

I saw Edward standing by the troops giving out orders. He glanced up to me with a grim face.

"How far away?," I asked.

"Two minutes away," he replied curtly. I nodded and swallowed a knot in my throat.

"Men, load!," I ordered. They began loading. I saw the Union army coming. In about half a minute all men were done. I grabbed both pistols that were in my pockets and readied them.

The soldiers were about a minute away now.

"Aim!," I yelled over the roar of the hooves coming closer. "Fire!"

Shots of bayonets were heard loudly, as were the screams of men getting killed. I chose to ignore that and kept shooting. Edward was by my side shooting with accuracy at the opposing force.

This went on for many minutes. More than half of my troops were already dead or wounded now, but all I can do now is pity them as I keep shooting to atleast keep myself and Edward from harm.

Then I heard a sound of a bullett piercing flesh next to me. I turned in horror to see Edward with a bullet hole in his stomach. He had a look of surprise in his green eyes, then of pain. He fell to his knees. I dropped my guns and immediatly grabbed him from under his arms to hold him from falling back. I dragged my friend away from the danger and into an empty tent.

On knelt on the floor where he lay. "It's going to be okay," I said, smoothing his dirty messy hair back.

"Always an optimist aren't we, Jasper?," he said laughing. He spat out blood as he did. I shushed him.

I heard footsteps coming closer. I looked up and saw a beautiful woman. She had silky black hair and was vey well dressed. I would have felt relieved that someone can help me with my friend, except she frightened me. Her eyes were crimson.

"Hello gentlemen. Fancy meeting you here," she said in an attractive voice. I nodded, not knowing what to do. Edward had his eyes closed, looking like his death was coming soon.

She walked closer in cat like grace. "You smell wonderful, sir," she purred. I fell back, so I was sitting. I stared at her in horror. What was she going to do?

She glanced at me, then knelt down to Edward. "Handsome," she murmured. She pick up his upper body and looked like she was going to kiss his neck, but then she bit him. I stared at her in surprise, she was a vampire. Adrenaline flowed through my vains, once again giving me the power of my limbs. I stood up and pulled her off of him. She was light, but I had to use all my strenght on her. Once I pulled her off, Edward began screaming.

"What in the name of the lord did you do to him, filthy bloodsucker?," I snapped. She smile menacingly at me.

"The same I am going to do to you," she replied, before she grabbed me with an iron strength. She held my neck under her as I squirmmed. Then she bit down. As quickly she bit, she let go. The bite felt like a knife piercing flesh. It hurt, but the pain that came after she let go was even worse.

It was like she set fire in my veins. I yelled out in pain. It hurt badly. I also felt like I was drowning in the heat of the fire inside my veins.

"Goodnight, darlings," she said, looming her face over mine. She laughed, and that was last thing I saw before the fire completely consumed me.


	2. Chapter 1

_Hi! Here's an update. as you can see. I have also updated all my stories, so ceck the other two out._

_Remember to review._

* * *

Chapter 1: Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

**Bella**

"Please, Alice, no more ribbons. You have many already," I pleaded tiredly with my best friend.

Alice let out a tinkling laugh. "Yes, but I do not have a lovely yellow one," she replied, picking up the said yellow ribbon. I sighed, and closed my mouth.

"How does it look with my hair?," she asked, trying it on. Like all colors, it went beautifully with her inky waist-length hair.

Everything went lovely with her because of her exquisite looks. She had that long black, silky hair. It shined with a silvery glow in the sun. Her face had delicate elfin features with lovely large blue eyes surrounded by a halo of long thick lashes. Her skin was a creamy peach. Her height was rather short, somehow giving her a look of innocence. She was beautiful, and many of her suitors thought so.

I, with my average looks, could never compare to that beautiful young woman. I had boring brown hair, that shined red in the sun, and brown eyes. I had a normal nose, not so long, nor so short. My skin was an unattractive chalky white, unusual to Mississippi, where it is rather hot and humid. Perhaps only lovely thing about me were my full, red lips.

"Yes, it's beautiful," I whispered. Alice must have seen my gloominess, for she set down the ribbon back and walked closer to me.

"Are you feeling okay, Bella?," she said, using the pet name she gave me when we were children and she couldn't prnounce my full name. I smiled inwardly at the mention of that nickname. I had always perferred it to my real name.

"I'm feeling grotesque again," I muttered. She sighed and put her hands on her small hips.

"Isabella Marie Swan, now listen to me. Enough of this nonsense of being ugly. You are lovely, beautiful, attractive, seraphic, pretty, exqisite-" she said, until I cut her off.

"I am not. It does not have any meaning coming from you because you are like my sister,"I complained. She groaned and shook her head.

"It does mean something coming from you suitor, Michael Newton," she said, smirking. I let out an unlady-like snort.

"He's a fool. Jessica has been trying to make him look at her, but he hasn't. Can't he see that she is far more prettier than I am?," I replied.

"How about Tyler Crowley?," she questioned. I laughed.

"He thinks he is the Lord's gift to women," I said, closing the subject. She looked at the ground, collecting her thoughts. Then, she looked at me, with obvious triumph on her face.

"Eric?," she asked, using only his first name because we have known him since we were small children.

I shook my head in disgust. "He's like my brother," I replied.

She sighed again. "I give up, Bella. You seem like you do not want to marry some day," she said in a tired tone. Then she slumped down, fainting. I quickly picked her up by holding her under her arms. Thank the Lord, I held her up, even though I lacked upper body strength.

I waited for some moments, then she woke up again. She stood on her feet, taking all the weight off my arms. "Thank you, Bella," she said softly, smiling at me.

"What did you see, Alice?," I asked quietly. When I said "see", I meant what she saw in her visions.

"I saw you and a young man." She paused, recollecting her thoughts. "You seemed to be embracing and kissing."

I stared at her in shock. Even if her visions almost all the time came true, this one couldn't possibly happen.

"Bella, that young man was rather dashing," she said excitedly. "He had gorgeous golden eyes, a handsome face, and beautiful, but rather odd, massy bronze hair. His looks surpassed even Michael Newton's."

"I hope his intellegence also surpasses that of Michael's," I scoffed. To me beauty isn't everything, even if it is important to me the way I look sometimes. Intellegence is rather vital to me. All of my suitors, not that I had many, are all rather dull and stupid. They don't read. They did not try to pay attention in school. They are also rather lazy. I did not find those qualities very impressing.

"I think it does because he chose you over all the hare brained girls in the town," she squealed. I stared at her, unmoved.

"Maybe he chose me because he was stupid enough to," I replied. She glared at me tsk-tsking me.

"Oh, Isabella, if you only you saw how beautiful you are, inside and out. These brainless boys in town do not know what they are missing," she told me. I smiled weakly at her.

"I think they are too distracted by you delicate looks," I said.

"Yes, but one day when I am old and wrinkly, will they think I am beautiful? Or perhaps when my hair has gone gray? Maybe when I gain weight after my first child?" she questioned me. I was about to answer, but she interrupted me. "They will not. But they will certainly realize how wise you are and that you were also very beautiful in the inside, like the outside. Sometimes beauty is only skin deep, Isabella."

I stared at her. All she said was true. Perhaps she is right. I smiled at her widely. "Thank you, Ally," I said, calling her by her pet name. She beamed at me.

She walked back to where the ribbon she had gotten was, and I followed.

"Should I buy it, Bella?," she asked.

"Yes, it is lovely," I replied. She smiled happily and paid the vendor.

"You should buy one too, Bella," she said. Before I coul protest, she handed me a dark blue ribbon.

"This would look lovely with you skin," she murmmered. I took it and held it next to my pale skin. It did look lovely.

"It's a pretty color. Perhaps I will buy it," I replied. I paid the vendor and put my new ribbon in my pocket.

Alice and I started to walk away. It was near sundown and our parents would be worried sick about us. They would also find it improper that we are out this late. Well, perhaps Mr. and Mrs. Brandon, but not my father.

My mother is dead, so I do not know what she would say, but my father is rather off. He doesn't seem to notice that time goes by. smetimes he still thinks I am a child. He only focuses on his job, which is being sheriff of this small town.

"Ally, doesn't time to go on too fast?," I asked.

"Yes it does. Sometimes I feel as if yesterday we were still five and Mrs. Swan was giving us cookies," she said quietly, sighing at the end.

I stiffened next to her. "I miss her, Alice."

"I know you do. I miss her too. She was like a second mother to me," she replied.

"Sometimes, at night, when I feel alone, I wish that time would stop and go back so I don't ever have to grow up. So I never have to face the next day or become an adult with responsiblity and children to look after," I whispered.

"We all do, Bella. We all do," she sighed.

Little did we know we would soon get our wishes of time stopping for us.


	3. Chapter 2

_Hello pplz! Here is another instalment in the story "In Between Black And White." I hope you like it. _

_I also noticed I forgot to put a quote of a song for the last chapter, so here it is._

_**Song quote for Chapter One:**_

_"'How long is long?'_

_That depends..._

_'How long it takes'_

_The years,_

_Not months,_

_Not days."_

- Up Against (Blackout) by Taking Back Sunday

_This quote is how Bella thinks of the time that passes. _

_I also forgot to explain the quote for the Prologue. It means that after Edward and Jasper have killed and seen what they saw during war can they still be innocent. _

_This is it. Check out my other stories too if you like this._

_**Disclaimer:**_

* * *

Chapter 2: Are You Ready For What The Future Holds?

_"I'm frightened by what I see,_

_But somehow I know there's much more to come,_

_Immobilized by my fear"_

- Whisper by Evanescence

_(This explains how Alice feels about her visions.)_

**Bella**

"Alice, what is wrong?," I asked my best friend. She was in tears, distraught.

"My parents... they know," she said in between sobs. I held her closer against me. Her body shook in sobs, or perhaps it was tears. Her eyes and cheeks were swollen with salty tears.

"Know what?," I questioned.

"They... know... aaabout.. my... premonitions," she stuttered. My eyes widened in fright. No one except Alice and I knew about her visions. They wouldn't have understood if they did.

"How did they discover that?," I said, after a moment of silence.

Her sobs quieted, so all she did was sniffle and cry tears now. "I fainted during dinner. They heard me mutter something during my visions, like I sometimes do. When I woke, they told me what happened. I lied and said I didn't know. They did not believe me."

"What else happened?"

"Well, then they began to think I was possesed by a demon, and decided to call a pastor. That caused me to break down and tell them the truth. They did not believe me." She paused, biting her lip. She sighed sadly, then continued. "In my vision, they were discussing what to do with me. They decided that I was insane and to take me to an insane asylum outside of town. They don't know I know, so I pleaded with them to let me come and tell you, and they reluctantly agreed seeing as you are like their second daughter."

"Oh," was all I was able to say. Her parents were being unjust. They should believe her, she has never lied before.

"When are you leaving?," I asked.

"In about ten minutes. My parents told the doctors there to come at that time. I saw that some men will come in a automobile, grab me, put me in a straight jacket, and then take me away. I struggled and you were there crying and begging my parents. They tried to calm you, but you hit them. Then they grabbed you and you struggled. My father finally let you go, then you tripped and fell on a rock. The rock left you unconcsious," she replied, giving perfect details like always.

I silently began crying. "Alice, sister, we'll be parted," I whispered. Alice soon began crying along with me.

"No, we'll always be together. If not physically, mentally and spiritually we will," she assured me. I nodded and bit my lip, continuing to cry.

"We'll always be together. In life and in death," I said.

"Do you promise?," she whispered softly, in between tears.

"I promise," I whispered. Then we embraced each other, for it will be the last perfect, calm moment that we will see each other.

"I'll also visit you," I promised. She stared at me, trying to decide if it was true. Finally she smiled sadly.

"How?," she asked quietly.

"I always get my way, remember," I reminded her, with a twinkle in my eye. She smiled a real smile. It was true. Ever since I was a child I had always gotten what I wanted, no questions asked. The only thing I never got was true love, but someone can't exactly ask for that from someone else.

We both stood up from where we were sitting, which was a bench in the backyard of my house. I grabbed her hand and we went to her house next door.

"Are you ready for what the future holds?," she asked.

"Yes, we shall be defiant until the end," I promised. She nodded grimly.

At the front of her house, her parents stood in silence, their faces grave.

"Mary, Isabella," Mr. Brandon said. Alice flinched slightly next to me at the mention of her first name. She had always detested it and has complained many times to her parents not to call her that, but her father, who never bothered to learn about his daughter, still called her that. I have always known her father would have perferred me as a daughter, someone well read and intellegent that did not care about the lastest fashions like Alice did, than her. Just like my father liked Alice better than I because she was always cheerful and she reminded him of my dead mother. It hurt us both that our fathers did not love us.

"Girls, we have very grave news," piped in Alice's beautiful mother. Alice's looks came from her mother except for her eyes. I also looked very much like my mother except for my eyes, which she had had in a hazel color. _**An: **__I changed Renee's eye color so Bella can seem more similar to Alice.)_

It was very strange how Alice and I had very similar situations. We both had a type of extra power, such as Alice's premonitions and my uncanny ability to persuade. Our fathers liked the other girl better rather than their own daughter. We were both only daughters. We both looked like our mothers, except the eye color. We were also born on the same day and year, September 13, 1902. This made our age seventeen.

Mrs. Brandon's voiced took me out of my musings. "Alice, you shall be going to a hospital."

"What hospital?," asked Alice, playing along with her oblivious parents.

"The insane asylum," her father said gruffly. Alice and I continued our acting by making collective gasps.

"Why Mr. Brandon?," I whispered. Alice's father turned his blue eyes to me. They seemed so much like Alice's I seemed to think they were hers until I heard his deep voice reply.

He didn't answer my question directly. Instead he said, "we think it is for Mary's best interests." He paused, thinking of a a good lie to feed to us. "She shall be coming back soon if she can get better, but that is most unlikely."

I shuddered at the almost cold way he talked about his daughter. I certainly abhored the way he treated me like his daughter rather than his daughter's friend.

Alice started to sob again, either from her father's formality with her or because there was nothing to do.

"Shh, shh, Ally," I said while I hugged her. She hugged me back.

"I don't want to leave, Bella," she whispered.

"Remember we'll always be together," I whispered back. Alice's sobs subdued. She let go of me and went to face her father. She stood as tall as she could considering her height.

"I am sorry for not being the daughter you wanted, Father. I will always shame you, won't I. I just wanted to say that you were never the father that I have wanted. We were never suited to be a family," she said confidently. Her father's face became purple with anger.

"You shall always be my greatest failure child," he said angrily. Then he slapped her in her defiance. I gasped, yet I couldn't interfere because I knew this was a fight in between Alice and her father. Alice's beautiful face had a red hand mark, but she stood serenely, as if he had never slapped her.

Her father saw this and burst into tears. I had never seen a man like this. This behavior shocked me as much as his act of slapping Alice. Her mother quickly moved to her husband to hold him.

"I apologize, Alice," he said in a sorrowful tone. He held out his hand as if to touch her face where he slapped her, but Alice flinched.

"Sorry, sir, it is too late to erase the words you have said to me," she said coldly. Then she turned to me, and smiled at me. "They are coming, Bella"

"Goodbye, sister," I sighed sadly. I held up my hand, and she put her's on top of it. Then we twined fingers.

"Goodbye, sister," she replied.

"Until the end," I promised.

"Until the end," she promised back. Then all havoc broke lose.

An automobile stopped in front of the house. Two burly men got out, one of them holding a straight jacket. They went toward Alice. They grabbed her roughly, as I still held her hand. One of the men ripped my hand away from her's. I tried to grab her back desperately, but one man kept me away. The man then held on to both my arms.

"Let me go, stupid fool!," I screamed. The man just held me tighter.

"Stupid man! Let me down this instant. I am a lady, and by god, I will have respect!," I heard Alice yell.

I felt the man let me go. He had gone to help the man. I saw that Alice was already inside the automobile.

I turned to Mr. and Mrs. Brandon, both whom had tears flowing freely down their faces. Perhaps they will stop this nonsense. "Please don't this to her, she's your only daughter," I pleaded.

Mrs. Brandon shook her head sadly. "It's too late dear. They are already leaving."

I turned and sure enough I saw them get in the car. Then, I heard the rumble of the engine. I froze to the earth. _They are taking my twin sister, _I panicked in my head.

I tried to run after them, but someone held me back. I turned to see Mr. Brandon holding me back.

"Let me go, sir. They are taking my sister," I said icily. He seemed surprised at my tone, but did not let me go.

"Sir, if you do not let me go, I will have to hurt you," I threatened. He did not let go.

I started to slap his hands, his face, and arms. He did not let go. I punched him next, but he wouldn't let go.

"Let me go, poor excuse of a man! You are letting them take your child. Blood of your blood. Flesh from your flesh. My sister!," I yelled, crying as I did.

My words stunned him and his hands loosened their grip on me. I took this moment as a opportunity and ran.

My clumsiness was my downfall. I tripped and fell on a stone in the road and landed headfirst. I felt blood trickle down my face from where I had hit myself in the head.

"I'm sorry sister," I whispered into the wind. Then I blacked out.


	4. Chapter 3

_Hi! Here is another chapter. There is Jasper and Edward in this one, so heads up. Thank you to all who reviewed. All the reviews made me very happy._

_Sorry for it being over a week since I had updated. I hope this chapter makes up for it. This is where the fun begins._

_**Disclaimer:**__ If I owned it I wouldn't be here typing this disclaimer about how I don't own it. _

_**Claimer: **_

* * *

_"The hunter, _

_The victim,_

_All the same,_

_As you taste,_

_The forbidden wine,_

_Monster will never be part of your name"_

-Exerpt from a poem by me

_(Describes Edward)_

**Bella**

I woke feeling sick and dizzy. My head throbbed, making me feel nauscious. I stared at the ceiling of my room for a moment, trying to subdue the dizziness in my head. Everything soon came into full focus and I sat up.

I turned my feet to the side of my bed, and gingerly stood up.

I walked down the stairs of my home, hoping my father was here. He was.

After a long day at work, my father always sat near the fire on his chair to sleep for an hour. Then I would wake him to eat dinner, then he would go to his bedroom to sleep again.

Today was not that routine. He had probably come hime early to take care of me and now he was asleep.

I tiptoed towards him, carefully so I wouldn't trip.

"Father," I whispered, shaking him slightly. He grunted then opened his eyes. He had always been a light sleeper.

"You're awake," he said. I nodded in agreement and some annoyment. If I wasn't awake I wouldn't be down here now, would I?

"How long was I asleep?" I thought I was asleep perhaps three to four hours.

"You have been asleep for nearly three day, Isabella," he said. I gasped.

"Surely that can't be true," I said, in denial.

"Yes it is. The doctor we brought in said that you would rest some days, all due to the massive amount of bleeding and the large wound on your head."

I sighed. I thought perhaps that I would be able to visit Alice's parents to apologize and convince them to take her out of the mental hospital.

_Since it has been three days, perhaps I can visit Alice instead, _I thought my face brightening.

"Father, may I visit Alice?," I asked, hopeful.

He seemed to think it over, then reluctantly answered me. "Isabella, I am not sure it is best you visit her at all."

I became angry, but repressed it. "Father can I please go," I said again, looking into his eyes, trying to use my power of persuasion.

He seemed dazed and nodded. "Yes you may."

I beamed at him and hugged him, an unusual gesture in my part. He blushed then grabbed a book on the armchair of where he was seated. He opened it to where he left off and began to read.

I walked back to my room and put some water in a pot to boil from a pitcher on my dressing table. I looked into the basin in my room and noticed there was water there already. My maid, Jennifer, must have seen I was awake. I heard the water boil so I quickly went there, to avoid the water from falling on the fire. I grabbed some thongs and pulled the pitcher out with them I took it to the basin and poured the water in. When I was done with that task, I took the thongs and and pot and placed them next to the fireplace.

I went back to the basin and took my clothes off. When I was naked, I stepped into the warm water. I scrubbed myself and cleaned my hair with soap. Once done, I grabbed a towel and stepped out of the water.

I dried myself off, feeling more refreshed than when I woke up. I went to my wardrobe, and picked a dress out. I put on my ungarments, then the dress.

I went to my vanity, which I rarely used, and used my brush to take the tangles out of my hair. When I was done, I pulled my wet tresses back in a ribbon. I looked decent, as Alice would say sometimes. My mood dampened when I remembered my sister.

I went to my table and grabbed my basket from on top of it. I put a new ribbon I had, and a new brush I had bought a month ago, but hadn't used, inside of it. I also put in some new pins I had inside of it.

I slipped on my shoes, and went downstairs. On my way to the back door, I passed through the kitchen. I picked up some sweets and a piece of cake from there, then continued my way out.

Behind my house, there was a lush green forest, which was almost odd because of the humid weather and the tendency to have swamps rather than green forests._**An: **__I do not know if this is true in Mississippi and Loiusiana.)_

I had decided during my bath that I should go through the forest to get there before sundown. The forest was quicker than the road that led to the asylum.

I walked inside the forest, smiling as I smelt the sweet scent of the trees and wild flowers. I heard a slight ruffle, and I walked more quickly, afraid of being attacked by a wild animal or perhaps a man. I had heard rumors that a young woman was raped here a year ago. I was not sure that I wouldn't meet that same fate.

I heard a sudden whoosh and rustles of leaves falling to the ground quickly. I turned my head to where the sound came from and my mouth dropped in surprise and awe.

* * *

**Edward**

After the war, Jasper and I woke from our painful slumber. We both found ourselves in a pile of dead bodies. The smell coming from the three day old corpses was retched. If I was still human, I would have vomited, but I was not.

I had noticed my enhanced vision, smell and speed. I also noticed my rock hard, cold skin.

I did not know that I had changed physically at first because I did not have a mirror or anything that reflected my image. I did certainly notice that Jasper had changed.

His gold hair was the same, but his face changed quite a bit. His nose was straight and perfect. His mouth became fuller, almost seeming like girl's mouth. His cheekbones were higher. Those were not his biggest changes. It was his eyes. His pitch black eyes.

He told me my face had also undergone some changes. I had not believed him until I saw my reflection in a lake nearby.

The changes were nothing compared to the thirst. The thirst was undying, and overwhelming. I could barely speak without feeling the thirst. My worries about the thirst were in vain, for the thirst was easily taken care of, but not without a death of an innocent.

I had smelt a delicious scent near by, as did Jasper. I ran at that scent and killed the thing that was the source of it. The thing was a human and my first murder.

The poor did not even let a whimper or a cry of surprise before I killed him and drunk him dry.

After he was dead and bloodless, I had stumbled away from him. I looked at my bloodied hands and realized the monster I was.

This monster was used to scare children and rebelious young people, much like myself. I was a creature of the night. A cursed one, a damned one. A vampire.

_

* * *

_) 

The scent. It was intoxicating, delicious, enticing. It was simply mouthwatering.

This scent was many times better than those of other humans. I needed it, I craved it, and I got it.

I ran after the human that smelt that delicious. She had heard me coming, but she did not run- though if she had attempted it, she would have been caught. She stood there, staring at me in awe and surprise. Quickly that expression changed to that one of... love? I did not scrutinize her expression for long because I approached her and drank her.

In the beginning, she gasped then struggled. In half a minute, she went limp. I drank the life force out of her, but then I remembered the expression of love she wore. No one had ever given me that expression, so I let her go. She fell to the ground in a thud and a slight rustle of leaves.

I stared down at her. Her peaceful expression became a grimace and soon she twitched on the ground in pain.

The moments she seemed at peace, I saw her angelic face. Her small, heartshaped face. That very pale, silky skin that I suddenly longed to caress.

Her plump red lips that I had the urge to kiss.

When I saw her, I knew it was love at first sight. I knew this love was going to be unrequited, for who can love a monster like me.

Yet, I knew she was going to be my reason to live from now on.

My angel. My light. My first and only love.


	5. Chapter 4

_Okay I am so very sorry. My computer broke so I needed to get a new one. I got one and am typing new chapters now. I am so sorry about the wait. Please do not be angry. I will try to post a chapter for each story in the next week. Again I am very sorry. This apology will go up on all my stories._

_Also, sorry about the sucky beginning of the story. I re-read it and it really stank. If anyone wants me to re-write it I will because I kind of hated the lack of details and all my misspelled words._

_Now about Bella. I am going to make her more bleak and austere. She may seem more different. _

_**All characters are going to be a bit OCC. **__I like to change their personalities to fit the story more. _

_This whole chapter is on Jasper's P.O.V. because I thought it'd be interesting._

_The quote for this chapter is from an awesome song from a great band called Alesana. That band is mainly screamo, but it is excellent. Check it out._

_Next chapter will also include more of the song._

_That's it. Enjoy the story…. Byes!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the amazing story, Twilight._

_Chapter 4: _She Can't Bear Its Affliction 

"_She haunts me in dreams,_

_I see her silhouette dance across landscapes of golden light and autumn, _

_In my dreams,_

_Her soft eyes see through my tortured soul,_

_Vanishing any hope for fantasy,_

_The things I'd give,_

_To prove myself to her"_

_-Pathetic, Ordinary by Alesana_

_(How Edward feels about Bella)_

**Jasper**

"Edward, what in the name of God did you do?!" I yelled at my sulking friend. He had bitten a girl three days ago and taken care of her in our home. I was out still "hunting," so I knew nothing of this until today, when I returned.

"You weren't supposed to let her live!" I bellowed.

I sounded heartless, even I knew that, but one of the things you learn after killing to survive is to not think about what you are doing. If you thought about the feelings of fear that came from the humans you killed, you would only sink in depression and starve. I thought of it as survival, but I knew it was still wrong.

Edward was different. He may not be charismatic, but he knows their last thoughts. He can hear their thoughts as they die. He knows if there was a family who would miss them, a lover who would die emotionally at their deaths, or worse, if they were alone. The people who are alone hurt him the most. He seems to identify with them, because he thinks if he died no one would care except for me. He would be like them.

He never has told me that, but I see it in his eyes. He craves love, love of a soul mate, someone who was like him. He was alone inside.

I never felt like that. I was always very independent, even as a small child. By miracle did I ever make friends because I would constantly be found reading. All that reading certainly paid off at the time of the war. I had learned many war tactics, including some Napoleonic war maneuvers.

After my thinking about how Edward felt, I turned to him again.

"You want her to love you?" I interrogated. He looked up at me, his eyes shining with tears that would never be shed. He nodded and looked at his hands again.

I sighed and sat next to him on the settee. I put my face in my hands, and then looked at him again. "Edward, have you thought about how she would feel when she wakes and finds herself a bloodthirsty monster." He cringed at the word, but I continued, ignoring his reaction. "She might loathe what she is and try to kill herself. Or she may hate you for doing that to her, Edward. Have you thought about that?"

He stood up and faced me, his eyes burning. "No! Jasper! I did not think of that when I stopped sucking her luscious, fragrant blood. I only thought of her face," he stopped and his eyes glazed over. "It haunts me, Jasper. The look she gave me before I attacked her. It was pure, unadulterated love. That look made her even lovelier."

He looked at me again, his eyes ablaze. "You would never understand. You always seem so cold towards even everyone. So damn distant. You'll probably never know what it feels like."

I felt my face change, either from my own anger or Edward's, maybe even both. I stood up, my face twisting in rage. "Just because you're little mister _'I feel miserable all the time' _and I am not, that does not mean that you can call me apathetic. You don't know how it is to know every single little feeling a person has when they die! They feel anger, hopelessness, and terror, uselessness, then there even some of them that are sick enough to enjoy the feeling of dying. Could you take that, Edward?!" I growled, grabbing him by his shirt and pushing him against a wall.

Edward equaled my in strength, so soon he pushed off of him and grabbed me. He punched me on my jaw and kicked me in the shins. I, in turn, tried to throttle him and punched him in the stomach when that did not work.

"Please don't fight," I heard a soft, feminine voice call out. I turned to its owner.

At the foot of the stairs was an exquisite young woman. Her face was heart shaped and very delicate. Her features had a vampire's perfection, but somehow the lines seemed less sharp on her face. Her lips were red, lush and perfect. Her eyes were pitch black like all newborns had them. Her dark brown hair seemed soft and very straight. I looked down at her body, and noticed its many curves and its slimness. Indeed, she was very strikingly beautiful.

"Who are you?" I asked, letting go of Edward.

"Isabella Marie Swan," she said curtseying. I noticed her dress was very blood and ripped at the left shoulder. My eyes widened in horror when I realized who she was.

"You're the one Edward attacked," I said in shock.

"If Edward is that young man," she said, pointing at Edward, who was next to me looking at her with loving eyes. "Then yes, I am the one whom he had attacked."

I advanced toward her, cautiously. "Do you know what you are?"

She rolled her eyes, very unladylike. "Of course, I do. I am not ignorant. Obviously, I am a vampire."

I looked at her with impressed eyes. She was noticeably well educated and intelligent by her refined language and the way she discovered things easily.

"Yes, but what do you know about vampires?" Edward inquired.

"Well, I have read Dracula, but I know that is full of fiction, so not much. I just know that they drink blood, sleep in the day, and burn in the sun."

Edward and I looked at each other and laughed. She knew nothing except the fact that we drank blood, but even then she probably thinks the victim will live.

I looked at her and saw her scowl.

"Do not treat me like an imbecile. Men, they are all the same. Chauvinist pigs. They seem to think that intelligence in women is very unseeming, but then they don't like women who are too stupid. All you think about is whom is the next woman you will share a bed with or which horse had won the race on Sunday. You make me sick," she spat.

We both stopped laughing and stared at her. She still glared at us, seething with silent fury. I decided it was not an excellent idea to have a newborn angry.

"I give you my most honest apologies, Miss Swan. Sometimes Edward and I seem to forget our manners. I am Jasper and he is Edward, as you already know."

Her glare softened. "I accept your apologies. But please if I am allowed to call you by your first names, you shall call me Bella."

Her face seemed to darken when she said "Bella." It seemed as she remembered something sorrowful because I felt melancholy coming from her direction. I decided not ask because I knew she would tell us soon.

"Do you want to know about vampires?" I asked. She nodded and waited for me to continue. "It might be horrible and disgusting. Are you sure?" She nodded again.

"Vampires are immortal in the sense that we have eternal youth and that we can't be killed easily. We _do not _burn in the sun or sleep at all."

She interrupted me by saying, "we can't sleep at _all_?"

"We can't sleep," I repeated. "Like I was saying, we do not burn in the sun, but there are consequences if we do step in it."

"What consequences?" she probed.

I smiled mysteriously. "You shall see soon enough."

She pouted, but did not protest.

"We drink blood. We do not let the person live when we drink because they would become like us," I looked down. "We don't wish this misery on them."

I looked up at her again, my eyes pleading for some kind of forgiveness. "Even if we wanted them too live, we are too strong and they are all too fragile. On false move, they're dead. Sometimes they don't survive the change, so they just suffered extra pain to die anyway."

She looked at me, her expression unreadable. Then she turned to Edward. "Why did you change me?" she whispered softly. I could feel an overwhelming desolation coming from her, it was extreme and severe. I felt myself cripple in it and fall on my knees.

"Please, stop it," I pleaded. She looked at me and shock was written all over her face.

"I'm sorry," she said. Suddenly, I felt the burden lift from me and was replaced by indifference.

"How did you do that?" I asked in admiration.

She turned to me, her eyes jaded. "You learn to do that when you lose all you care for."

I stared at her, wondering who she really was. How can someone feel so miserable all the time when they are barely in the dawn of their life? How can she not lose her will to live, when clearly she can't bear its affliction on her? She seemed so mysterious, so austere.

_Who did Edward really bring here? _A girl? Or darkness?

She turned herself away from Edward and I. "I need to hunt," she murmured.

I turned to Edward. _You take her. Both of you need to talk, _I thought in my head. He tilted his head and nodded.

"I'll take you, Miss Swan," he said softly.

Bella did not protest. She simply turned around and walked off after him. Edward held the door open for her, and then closed it when they were both outside.

"Edward, what did you do to her?" I whispered to the ceiling.


	6. Chapter 5

_I updated!!!!!!!! Is anyone happy?_

_I'll try to update once a week, but if not once every one and a half or two weeks. I promise to update once in while and not disappear like I did._

_I decided to have some theme songs to this story. The theme song for now is Pathetic, Ordinary by Alesana._

_I might sound a bit formal. I have been reading "The Phantom of the Opera" so the language has stuck on to me. It really is an excellent book to read. _

_**Warning: This is a very dark, bleak, depressing, ect. chapter, as the title suggests. If you like happy things read another story. Although, some of you will not find it dark. **_

_**She is not raped or slept with anyone, as the title suggests.**_

_That is it. Byes!_

_**Disclaimer: **_

* * *

Chapter 5: Lost Innocence

"_To make her jaded eyes awake,_

_As her selfish words rain from such placid lips,_

_I kiss her silken flesh,_

_Frigid air leaves me breathless,_

_Foolish agony fills my lungs,_

_As I try to scream for her,_

_I confess,_

_I scare myself"_

_Pathetic, Ordinary by Alesana_

_(How Edward feels about Bella)_

**Bella**

I followed the handsome man through the forest. I tried not to stare at him, as beautiful as he was. I couldn't afford to fall in love with him, for it might be unrequited. He might in fact hate me because of what Jasper had said.

I peeked at him through my eyelashes. Did he really hate me so? Did he hate me enough to make me go through those days of pure agony? I gazed at his back, as if it would tell me all I needed to know, as if it would take away my misery.

I didn't get any answers, nor did I feel any better. He would always seem foreign to me. His attitude, his thoughts, and his feelings towards me would be unknown to me.

I stifled a sob and looked at the ground. A single drop of moisture fell from my eye.

"Bella," Edward whispered. I looked up at him, wiping the tear away.

"Yes," I murmured. My eyes were probably still bright, but I wasn't crying anymore.

"Do you want to learn how to run?" he asked excitedly.

I raised an eyebrow at him in anger. I was not so pathetic as to not know how to run. "I can assure you I know how to run," I replied affronted.

He looked repentant. "I'm sorry about what I said. Let me rephrase what I said: do you want to learn how to run like a vampire?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I meant that vampires run differently than humans"- I grimaced at the word- "They are quicker, stronger, and become less tired while running."

"Does that mean we can run incessantly?" I asked.

He looked thoughtful for a moment, and then his face cleared. "I suppose a vampire would have to stop because of hunger. To answer your question: no we wouldn't be able to run continuously."

He turned back to the forest, looking at it with an expressionless face. "To run just let your senses guide you. The same with hunting." Then his expression became dark. "Just make their deaths quick. Don't let them suffer. It's never their fault, even if they are malevolent. They don't deserve it."

I stared at his face in confusion. "Whom are you speaking about?"

"Humans, people, the prey, the hunted, our victims; they are whom I am speaking about," he replied somberly. "They all must die or they'll suffer. They'll suffer like I did, like Jasper did," -he turned to me- "like you did"

I gasped at his words because I knew they were true. I felt it in the pit of my stomach that they were true. "But isn't there another way?" I asked desperately.

His eyes seemed to become mad with sorrow. "No, there isn't any other way. We've tried, you can be sure of that. We've tried to scratch a human whilst they were unconscious, but we've lost control and tore them apart. We've also tried to drink their blood without injecting them with venom, but our final product was a half changed human because we couldn't restrain our venom forever. We killed them afterward."

He turned to me then. "I didn't want to do this to you, Isabella. I couldn't control my thirst when I smelt you. I had never smelled something more luscious as you. It drove me insane. I had to taste you, for you surely had to taste better than what you smelled like. You did. I had never tasted anything better."

He looked away, trying to hide his shame. "Then I remembered your face. It was so innocent, so uncorrupted by human nature and evil. I am such a devastatingly selfish, wicked creature that I wanted to keep that innocence for eternity. Instead, I made you go though that agony and tarnished you by making you into one of us, the anathematized. Oh, how you must hate me."

I sensed that somehow he wasn't telling the whole truth, but I let it go. "I don't hate you. I believe I can't ever," I whispered.

He looked at me, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "Are the words you utter true?"

I stared deep into his topaz eyes. "They are true."

"Thank you," he sighed in relief. He approached me and held out his hand.

"We need to run," he said, expressionless. I accepted his hand. It was extremely cold, like marble. It even had its smooth contours of it.

"Your hand, it is warm," he stated in wonder.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Vampires are always cold, even though to us it is normal temperature. You're warm, which is highly unusual. In fact, I believe it is unheard of."

I blushed, for I was very embarrassed to be different.

"You blush!" he exclaimed in astonishment.

"Please do not tell me this also makes me uncommon."

"I am afraid it is so," he smiled. I sniffed in distaste, causing him to chuckle.

"Edward," I warned, pulling my hand out of his. He laughed harder.

I scowled at him and stomped on his foot. He stopped laughing and scrutinized me, as if examining an alien creature.

"What?!" I asked aggravation.

"You do know that did not hurt. Also, you seem to anger easily," he stated.

I scowled at him again. He smirked.

"Can you just teach me to run?" I finally asked after a staring contest.

"Yes," he said. He held out his hand again, which I took.

Then, we ran. It was exhilarating really. The cold, fresh air smelt of trees. The leaves crunched under us. I smelt wild flowers, their sweet fragrance wafting in the air. The trees were a blur of green and brown around us. Somehow I knew the way. I never had to look where I was going; I let myself be led by my feet.

Suddenly, I smelled something. It smelt mouthwatering and delectable. I stopped and ran the way the scent was coming from, pulling Edward along with me.

He tried to stop me, but his strength couldn't compete with me. I turned to him and grabbed his hand. I pick him up by his hands and threw him at a tree, all just to get my prey. The impact of his body against the tree shattered it, along with many others. I offered no attention to it, for I had something else on my mind. I sniffed the air again to capture the tantalizing scent again. I smelt it again, but it was farther away and fainter. I growled and followed it.

I ran quicker than ever through the trees, following the scent. I only had one objective and it was to kill. To kill whatever conquered my senses. The aroma drove me wild, reckless. It seduced me, gave me bloodlust. I had to get it, I had to obtain it.

I ran quicker when it was so close. My feet barely touched the ground. Then, I stopped.

I sniffed again, and gave feral smile. My intuition told me my victim was a human male.

I stepped into the clearing, limping slightly, playing the roll of a damsel in distress. I whimpered slightly, a flinched every step I took to make the role more believable.

"Sir, please help me," I moaned stepping in, looking at the man with big teary eyes.

The man was really a young man. He was somewhat handsome with fair hair and average features. His eyes seemed glazed over, but I took no notice.

"Please, don't move anymore, Miss," he said, quickly coming to my aid. He picked me up.

I looked the vein in his neck. It had lured me with its steady pulse. It enticed me, calling me.

I attacked, issuing a wild snarl. I bit into that vein that had taunted me so.

Warm, sweet blood flowed into my mouth, flooding my mouth, taking over me. I whimpered with ecstasy.

The young man lost his strength and dropped onto his knees, never dropping me.

"Isabella," I heard Edward, distantly. His gentle, velvety voice caused me to regain my senses. I let go of the young man.

I stared at the youth. The boy was smiling at me, as if I were a goddess.

He opened his mouth and uttered his last words. "You look like an angel," he whispered, spitting crimson blood with every word. He closed his vacant, dreamy eyes and fell forward.

I looked at the dead boy in horror. "Oh God, what have I done?" I asked in revulsion.

I went towards Edward and brushed my bloody lips against his. He didn't respond, not that he had time.

"My first kiss," I said sadly. I needed to do that for a reason.

Then I knelt next to the dead boy and flipped him over. I sat next to him and picked up his head. I placed it on my lap.

I stared at the boy. He was young, barely older than me. I stroked his hair and leaned down. I kissed his still warm lips.

"Now you've kissed an angel. The Angel of Death, but an angel all the same. I hope you go to heaven," I whispered. Then I smiled sadly. "At least I gave you something. A kiss of death, nonetheless."

Then I started crying, my tears falling on the bloody face of the youth. The water cleaned his face, making him seem as if he was having a blissful dream.

"I'm sorry," I choked. "I didn't want to kill you. You were so innocent, a victim of my bloodlust."

I looked at his face. His content smile seemed to taunt me, remind me of what I have done.

"I won't do it again," I vowed. I felt in the pit of my stomach that I was telling the truth. I won't ever kill another human again.

I wiped my tears away and stood, carefully placing his head on the ground.

I stooped down again. "Sweet dreams," I breathed in his face.

I turned to Edward, who watched me silently.

"I want to dig a grave for him," I said. He nodded. He ran away to the forest.

I waited for him until he came back. He arrived minutes later. He carried a shovel with him.

He began to dig the grave, but I stopped him.

"Let me," I said. He nodded again and handed me the shovel.

With resoluteness, I began to dig. It took me minutes with my strength. I jumped out of the pit when I finished. I went to the boy and picked him up, much like he did to me.

I carefully placed him in his eternal resting place. Then I started putting the dirt back in.

I stared at the earth after I completed my task.

"May you rest in peace," I whispered.

I twisted my head to look at Edward. He seemed expressionless for a moment, and then his face created a pained expression.

"It's my entire fault," he stated miserably. I looked at him in surprise.

"How is it your fault?"

"I turned you into this monster. It's my entire fault."

"This has nothing to with you Edward. You did not do anything at all. I am the murderer, the angel of death."

"But-" he said.

I cut him off. "No, Edward. You will never convince me otherwise." I turned to look at the sunset over the horizon. "Can you bestow me sometime alone?"

"Yes, but how are you going back home?"

I turned to him, my face bleak. "I will get there somehow." Then I smiled a little. "I promise I will go back," I said when he seemed to protest.

He looked defeated and nodded. He walked away.

I stared at the sunset again. The horizon was crimson colored, much like the young man's blood. I shivered unwillingly.

Everything seemed to taunt my lost innocence. It told me I was a murderer and that I dissevered to die. That a monster like me should not be breathing, whilst an innocent boy lay in the cold ground rotting away instead of enjoying life at its fullest.

Maybe I will do that. Maybe I will kill myself.

I walked towards the moon that had taken the place of the dying sun. I walked not knowing where I was going, blindly following my instinct.

It led me back to the beginning, to where everything had started.

I walked back my sister, led by my wish for an impossible death.

_**(AN: **__If anyone can tell me a novel that has a similar way of having someone lose their innocence, tell me and I will name one character after you in this story._

_Send me the title of the novel and your name in a review to see if you are correct._


End file.
